Dennis O'Toole
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Loser Fruit Flies Can't Get Laid

3/21/2012

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Picture
Above: fruit flies porking
Knowing my ongoing fascination with drug abuse and promiscuity among fruit flies, a certain New England journal of medicine (which I can neither name nor hint at) asked me to comment on a recent study on loser fruit flies who can't get laid.  I submitted the following.  Two hours later I received, via facsimile, an acrimonious and vulgar rejection letter.  The editor told me that my "methodology sucks" and that I "could not research my way out of a brown paper bag. You clearly pulled two-thirds of this out of your sorry Mick ass."

The letter was unsigned, but included a photocopy of a hand giving me The Swear Finger.  Based on the huge pinky ring, I'd guess its author was Dr. Gregory D. Curfman, who's otherwise a stand-up dude and was probably just having a bad day.

Well, whatevz.  I stand by every word I wrote, except for the ones that appear in black font.


The Nerd Gene
by "Dr." Dennis O'Toole

Researchers at the University of California, San Francisco have published a study in the journal Science showing that male fruit flies who cannot find a mate drink four times as much alcohol as those that mate.  "It's the first discovery, in fruit flies," according to Science, "of a social interaction that influences future behavior."

Nerds everywhere, take heed:  Could it be that the vicious cycle of social ineptitude is wired into one’s DNA? 

Science seems to say, quite emphatically, yes:

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Steve Coll on the New Orleans Saints

3/3/2012

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This blog post is so intellectually satisfying that I just can't handle it.
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    About Dennis

    Dennis O'Toole is a all-set cobra jet creepin' through the nighttime.  He lives in Chicago. 

    If you need to reach me, dial:
    denotoole AT SYMBOL gmail PERIOD CHARACTER co LETTER M.  



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