My dad disliked a lot of things. One of the things he disliked most were eulogies that turned a common sinner into the holiest of saints. In honor of his preference for a realistic portrait, I will now list all the annoying things he said and did throughout his life. I’ll try to keep it under an hour.
If you ever asked my dad "What does the clock say," he'd respond, "It doesn't say anything, it's a clock."
ERRGGH! Just tell me the time!
Whenever the phone rang, he facetiously announced, “If it’s for me, I’m not here.” Every. Single. Time.
My dad loved sports. He knew football, baseball, and golf well, but he did not really get basketball. So rather than enjoy, say, any of the six Bulls Championships, he preferred to loudly announce to his sons that, “The fix is in,” whenever Jordan pulled off some fourth quarter heroics.