Along the banks of the river he met a young woman and said, "Hi. Did you guys have an earthquake? Forget it, doesn't matter. I am a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and the Oscar pre-parties are about to start. Can I have a ride across the river? I can't swim and for the purposes of this story you totally can."
"Hold on a second, snake," she said. "Last time a snake pulled this one on me he bit me half way across the river and then I got poisoned and then we both drowned and when I asked him why he did that, (I guess we had time), he said, 'Hey sister, you knew I was a snake when you met me.' Which was uncool and not fair."