Dennis O'Toole
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Highlights

The Mystery Behind the Mask

5/14/2021

0 Comments

 
PicturePhoto from the most depressing bestseller list
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is sound advice, but it’s unrealistic. Judgments happen immediately, reflexively. The real meaning of the phrase is not to trust our first flawed, and maybe even cold and cruel, judgments.
 
Anyone so morally perfect to never judge another human being by appearance would never enjoy those delightful moments in movies when we find out the Dumb Person is a Smart Person. Matt Damon suddenly goes from janitor to math genius in “Good Will Hunting,” and we marvel at the unlikely occurrence. In “Five Easy Pieces” Jack Nicholson plays a manic oil rig roughneck who spies a piano on the back of a pickup truck and hops aboard to belt out some Chopin. The reveal of talent in each case is dependent on an audience full of flawed people who judge books by covers constantly. The surprise is also validated by the fact we are usually right when we do so. Janitors do not tend to solve math problems no one else ever has, and roughnecks do not tend to be classically trained pianists.
 
This is not a defense of being judgmental, but an acknowledgement of judgment’s inevitability in daily life. It is also a preamble to say: show me a guy “running” a 15-minute mile in a mask with no one nearby, and I will tell you his politics.


It is now Month 14 of the coronavirus in America, as far as altered daily life goes, and my amazement at the mask habits of my fellow citizens has been constant. I judge everyone from my perch of moral superiority, from the anti-maskers in the red states to the masks-addicts in the blue ones. My habits are those of the Golden Mean between caution and paranoia; yours, whether by excess or omission, is a flawed approach to health and safety at which I sneer. This is my first, flawed judgment I am speaking of. I try not to judge the whole head by a mask, or the lack of one (mask, not head)—but it’s been very hard to avoid doing so during this long, long pandemic.
 
My urge to judge only grows. Over the past month, the evidence for the pointlessness of masks outside is, at long last, commonly known. It is not only broadcast in the mainstream media but in overtly liberal outlets. The likelihood of transmission on the sidewalk is next to zero. We all know it, and many of us knew it last June, and yet for a surprising number of us wearing a mask in low-traffic areas persists. On my block—a side street—I still see people walking to their cars at 7 AM with a mask on and no one nearby. I see them walking at 10 PM with no one close but their dog.  My neighborhood is very progressive. I would bet a lot of money this zip code has one of the highest vaccination rates in the country. The odds of these people not being vaccinated by now are low. I don’t know what they think is floating in the air, how they think they might catch or transmit something, and I am reflexively wondering if they are—annoying but useful phrase—virtue signaling.
 
But then my second judgment kicks in and I think, well, maybe they have a loved one at home who is immunocompromised. Maybe they are. Maybe the guy is running a 15-minute mile because he is recovering from chemo, so the speed and the mask require my sympathy and not my assumption that he has a sign at home about Believing Science but does not believe science. Maybe—no, hear me out for a second—maybe I am the asshole.
 
But then my third judgment kicks in and I think the North Side of Chicago does not have that many immunocompromised dog-walking 15-minute milers, so I am likely right.
 
And finally my fourth judgment arrives, the one that does not judge book by covers, and settles it. Yes, a certain percentage of these people wearing masks while sitting all by themselves in the middle of parks are virtue-signaling, trend-following morons who vote for ridiculous lefty candidates and use “trigger warning” in conversation and think Dave Chappelle is a white supremacist. However, I cannot know which ones are assholes and which ones have a damn good excuse for their excess of caution. Therefore, I withdraw my scathing and witty judgment and say a silent prayer for that person who may have, or may love someone with, dangerously low platelets.
 
Did I say finally? No, it’s not final and won’t be final for a while, because I will see someone else with an unnecessary mask and the cycle repeats itself. It is happening right now, with the person I see standing alone across the alley from my house and talking on her phone with a mask on, outside on this breezy day with no one around. What is her deal? Hasn’t she read David Leonhardt’s piece about the 0.1% or less outdoor transmission rate? Is she the kind of person who thinks saying “hey guys” to a mix of men and women is offensive? What’s her mile time and does the back of her jacket say “FINISHER,” like I should give a fuck she ran a 5:30 marathon?
 
This passes. At last, I revert to my mean of sage-like kindness, sympathy, and lack of judgment. I offer her this prayer: may her days be full of bliss, and empty of bastards like me.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    About Dennis

    Dennis O'Toole is an all-set cobra jet creepin' through the nighttime.  He lives in Chicago. 

    If you need to reach me, dial:
    denotoole AT SYMBOL gmail DOT co LETTER M.  

    Categories

    All
    Audio
    Chicago Sun Times
    Chicago Sun-Times
    Chicago Tribune
    Comedy
    Essay
    Fiction
    Media Filter
    Morning News
    N.P.R.
    Religion
    Tales Of Adventure
    W.B.E.Z.

    Archives

    October 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    August 2020
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    September 2016
    August 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    July 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    August 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    August 2007

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.