A Trader Joe's Check-out Adventure

NPR All Things Considered piece:  My Fantasy Nobel Prize Team

Cormac McCarthy's "The Road," an Early Draft with Cross-outs and Author's Notes

On Updike, The Simpson's, Ted Williams, and The Cos.  Among others, at The Morning News.

Off-beat Halloween Outfits for 2009

Treatment for my Screenplay, BOAT COP.  Includes audio because reading is bullshit.

I Will Fax Anything.  On McSweeney's site.

Essay about getting my mind together before an improv show.  Or, my attempt to.

The Menace of Professional Music.  For hard-core John Philip Sousa fans only.

Why I Hate Flash Mobs.  Up until this past summer, flash mobs meant cloying unemployed theater majors annoying you in public with an orchestrated Smile Attack.  Last summer, cops nationwide co-opted the phrase to mean "Mob violence."  Commissioner, what is going on with all the mob violence?  "Oh, those kids who beat that guy and stole his wallet?  That wasn't a mob, that was a flash mob.  The Internet and rampant sexting caused it."  Well, I now hate both types of flash mobs, but this is about the non-violent version.

Poetry for The Age of American Decline.  Over at The Morning News.

Essay Decrying the Little League Lead Off.  Commentary based on hard-hitting boots-on-the-ground reportage.

To the Editors of Penthouse.  WARNING.  Steamy Erotica!!

The Incomparable Beauty of Six Word Stories.  Oh my, they are so amazing.